The Greatest Fantasy League Ever and NBA Predictions
Two years ago a friend of mine invited me into an NBA fantasy league. On its own that piece of information is not so special. What is special is how this league works. For starters, there is no picking of players, its purely a predictions league. The concept is really simple: rank the East and West conference teams from 1-15 and predict each teams final win-loss record. The scoring system is outrageous. You get a point for correctly picking a team's spot and 5 bonus points if you get their spot and record. Those rules are simple enough, where it gets messy is when your predictions are wrong. For each spot that you miss you lose the difference in points multiplied by 3 (ex. You pick Dallas to be a 9 seed and they finish 15th, you would lose 6 points multiplied by 3 for a total loss of 18). For each game that you miss you lose a point (So say you predicted Dallas would be 41-41 but they finish 21-62, you would lose 41-21=20 points). So yeah, the winner usually has a negative score.
What makes this league even more bizarre is that there is no cash prize to the winner. Now so far you probably think that this league sucks. I don't blame you. You may change your mind when you hear how the prize system works. The winner gets to choose what the losers do for him. Prizes so far have ranged from 24-hour butler service (more on this in a bit), to car detailing, to home cooked meals. Essentially, whoever wins the league, gets a fairly reasonable and useful prize in return. He gets this from all of the remaining participants as well, so if there are 10 people in the league, the winner would get 9 home cooked meals for winning. Lastly, the person who finishes last has to subject themselves to an embarrassment decided by the group. Last year it was a spray tan on the darkest possible setting. This year its a complete body waxing... So yeah, finishing last is not really fun. Know what else isn't fun? Not winning! I am going to rank this year's prizes in order of the one I want to win the most, to the one I want to win the least.
1. My prize: Home cooked meal
I realize that my prize may not be as good as the others, but a 5 course meal? Giving me an excuse to hang out with my friends? Not too shabby. Also it ensures that I don't have to do any of the remaining prizes. Bonus here because I can talk wild amounts of shit about winning for at least a year
2. Edward 40 hands
One dude wants to watch us all burn.
For those of you who don't know, Edward 40 hands involves getting two 40oz. beers taped to your hands (the choice made by the person is old English) and you are not allowed to take them off until both bottles are finished. This includes having to go to the bathroom. I don't mind this one because everyone is going to get hammered and have a blast. Only thing I have to do is clear my next day schedule, because I've reached the age where hangovers are extra devastating.
3. Car Detailing: Inside and out
Have you ever detailed the inside of your car? It Fucking sucks. Now imagine someone who knows his car will be detailed 4 times. You think that dude gives a single fuck about the McDonald's wrappers that are accumulating in his front seat? He's going to treat his car like a dump because he knows that its someone else's problem. This would be number 5 were it not for the next two prizes.
4. 24-Hour Butler Service
You may think that being someone's butler is cool, maybe you could make the time fly by pretending to be Alfred (from Batman). Not here, not for this guy. He gave us a slight preview of his day: You would start at 4am, the first 5 hours would be training. Notes, excel, Microsoft Office, the works. There are way more details but if you don't think this one sucks enough already then you are probably a masochist.
5. Slam Poetry Reading
When I first heard of this one I thought it would be a breeze. I like writing and am half decent at poetry. Then I heard how this would be implemented. The winner will write your poem for you, so everything is on the table: Vagina monologues, embarrassing stories, the works. You know this jackass is going to be laughing his head off and recording every minute of it. He may even get two phones so he can simultaneously stream on Instagram and Snapchat. Fuck, he might bring a laptop as well. I can live with the other prizes, but this one would absolutely fucking suck.
My picks below, with a more detailed post (including records) coming later
West
1. Warriors
2. Rockets
3. Jazz
4. Nuggets
5. OKC
6. Pelicans
7. Portland
8. Lakers
9. Spurs
10. Dallas
11. Minnesota
12. LA Clippers
13. Grizzlies
14. Suns
15. Kings
East
1. Boston
2. Toronto
3. Philly
4. Milwaukee
5. Pacers
6.Heat
7. Wizards
8. Detroit
9. Cleveland
10. Hornets
11. Knicks
12. Brooklyn
13. Orlando
14. Bulls
15. Atlanta
What makes this league even more bizarre is that there is no cash prize to the winner. Now so far you probably think that this league sucks. I don't blame you. You may change your mind when you hear how the prize system works. The winner gets to choose what the losers do for him. Prizes so far have ranged from 24-hour butler service (more on this in a bit), to car detailing, to home cooked meals. Essentially, whoever wins the league, gets a fairly reasonable and useful prize in return. He gets this from all of the remaining participants as well, so if there are 10 people in the league, the winner would get 9 home cooked meals for winning. Lastly, the person who finishes last has to subject themselves to an embarrassment decided by the group. Last year it was a spray tan on the darkest possible setting. This year its a complete body waxing... So yeah, finishing last is not really fun. Know what else isn't fun? Not winning! I am going to rank this year's prizes in order of the one I want to win the most, to the one I want to win the least.
1. My prize: Home cooked meal
I realize that my prize may not be as good as the others, but a 5 course meal? Giving me an excuse to hang out with my friends? Not too shabby. Also it ensures that I don't have to do any of the remaining prizes. Bonus here because I can talk wild amounts of shit about winning for at least a year
2. Edward 40 hands
One dude wants to watch us all burn.
For those of you who don't know, Edward 40 hands involves getting two 40oz. beers taped to your hands (the choice made by the person is old English) and you are not allowed to take them off until both bottles are finished. This includes having to go to the bathroom. I don't mind this one because everyone is going to get hammered and have a blast. Only thing I have to do is clear my next day schedule, because I've reached the age where hangovers are extra devastating.
3. Car Detailing: Inside and out
Have you ever detailed the inside of your car? It Fucking sucks. Now imagine someone who knows his car will be detailed 4 times. You think that dude gives a single fuck about the McDonald's wrappers that are accumulating in his front seat? He's going to treat his car like a dump because he knows that its someone else's problem. This would be number 5 were it not for the next two prizes.
4. 24-Hour Butler Service
You may think that being someone's butler is cool, maybe you could make the time fly by pretending to be Alfred (from Batman). Not here, not for this guy. He gave us a slight preview of his day: You would start at 4am, the first 5 hours would be training. Notes, excel, Microsoft Office, the works. There are way more details but if you don't think this one sucks enough already then you are probably a masochist.
5. Slam Poetry Reading
When I first heard of this one I thought it would be a breeze. I like writing and am half decent at poetry. Then I heard how this would be implemented. The winner will write your poem for you, so everything is on the table: Vagina monologues, embarrassing stories, the works. You know this jackass is going to be laughing his head off and recording every minute of it. He may even get two phones so he can simultaneously stream on Instagram and Snapchat. Fuck, he might bring a laptop as well. I can live with the other prizes, but this one would absolutely fucking suck.
My picks below, with a more detailed post (including records) coming later
West
1. Warriors
2. Rockets
3. Jazz
4. Nuggets
5. OKC
6. Pelicans
7. Portland
8. Lakers
9. Spurs
10. Dallas
11. Minnesota
12. LA Clippers
13. Grizzlies
14. Suns
15. Kings
East
1. Boston
2. Toronto
3. Philly
4. Milwaukee
5. Pacers
6.Heat
7. Wizards
8. Detroit
9. Cleveland
10. Hornets
11. Knicks
12. Brooklyn
13. Orlando
14. Bulls
15. Atlanta
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